It has been a really long while since I last updated this space. Since then, another 2 semesters of college have passed. In my last several posts, this blog had become a space for me to write about my reading adventures and the stories and characters I love. But it’s been a really long time since I’ve properly read a book not required for college, in particular a fiction book, and college has become such a huge part of my life that I take note of time not according to weeks or months, but according to the academic semester.
Since I have a 1.5month-long holiday, I really do want to get into reading again. I still have an endless list of books on my TBR. But I have been so hesitant to start. I really, really crave the feeling of getting sucked into a story and journeying through something with characters I love. Recently, I have been watching Korean and Chinese dramas as a way to do that. In a sense, it is a lazier way – I don’t have to put as much effort into imagining how the story is playing out and understanding what is written, whether explicitly or between the lines; I can fast forward when I get bored; I can lie on the bed and watch without having to hold a book up. It is also much easier for me to decide to give up on a drama when it gets boring; whereas for a book I always fear missing out possible good chapters or lines. Yet it is precisely all that which makes reading so enjoyable – it is the process of reading itself. But the crazy amount of academic readings I’ve had to do for college has made me so afraid to begin. As much as I love that learnings I gain from my college readings, it is a reading process that is so difficult for me to enjoy. In a sense, I feel like it has spoilt reading for me.
Before I begin a book, I always anticipate entering a different world, having my emotions toyed with, and being enamoured with a new character. Such a feeling is almost like being enchanted by a spell. Because that is my favourite thing about reading, I’m always cautious of whether or not I have the time to finish the book without disruptions so as not to break that spell. And because of that, I dare not begin a new book in the middle of a college semester, or whenever I have something to do the next day or in a few hours’ time. That, I think is causing my hesitation. I want the book that breaks me out of my reading slump to be something mindblowingly good, that casts me in a spell I’m unable to break out of even hours after reading it. That’s a foolproof way that would ensure I continue on to a next book. Yet, I’m so afraid of any single activity, person, or thing that would disrupt the spell-casting process and spoil reading for me for yet another couple of months. It’s a stupid worry that I rationally know cannot be overcome until I actually start reading, yet it’s got me locked in this stupid quandary.
It’s been a year or so since I’ve been that sucked into a book. I miss that so much. Last December, I made a TBR in attempt to get me out of a book slump (once again, caused by college) but only succeeded in reading one or two of those books (ok let’s be real, when have I EVER succeeded in completing any TBR anyway??). This time I do kind of have an inkling of what books I’m planning to read, but I’m not going to be writing out a proper TBR list. Instead I’ll try a more laid-back method: after all, I’ve already had semesters-worth of college reading lists… that’s definitely more than enough of lists.
*NOTE: this post was a 100% free-writing exercise. I was bored and decided to post something and ended up with this. It’s nothing much and probably a waste of time to read, but at the very least it left me with greater resolve to start reading again.
